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Accepting a step parent into your child’s life can be difficult for many reasons. In this episode I explain why, and I will give you some ground rules to follow.

 

  • No bad mouthing
  • No competing
  • Practice better communication with your ex and their partner
  • Take your own feelings out of the equation
  • Be there for your child without interfering

 

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4 comments on “Episode 137-Accepting a step parent in your child’s life!

  1. anonymous Aug 15, 2017

    Melissa,
    I have 2 children that have a stepmother that they live with every other week. Their stepmother and I really do have a great relationship but I listened to this podcast because I know there is probably always room for improvement. I don’t take all of the credit for the positive relationship we have because my kids stepmom is incredible. She loves them so much and does everything she can to never step on my toes as their mother and to include me in big decisions for the kids, even when they are at their house. My ex-husband and I get along very well too, so that helps A LOT.
    I was hoping your podcast could offer some advice about how to deal with or create some sort of relationship with MY stepson’s BIO mother. My stepson is 14 and lives with us every other week. I have been in his life now for over 4 years and married to his father for 2 years. Unfortunately, from day 1 his BIO mom has done exactly opposite of the guidelines you list in this podcast.
    –She badmouths me and my stepson’s father (her EX) any chance she gets.
    –She attempts to compete with us even though we are not trying to compete with her.
    –She is VERY poor at communicating with my husband about their son (ex: medical information, school information, etc)
    –She so far has not been able to leave her own feelings and opinions out of the equation. She badmouths me and she really doesn’t even know anything about me so basically it’s just made up or just words spoken in anger.
    –I would be very surprised if she would be supportive of my stepson if he ever goes to her with issues about his father or me. I get the impression she would turn it into a gripe session about us.
    For all of these reasons, I’m seeking guidance on what I can do from my side. I have NEVER badmouthed her to my stepson. Even when he complains about her, I listen and keep my opinions to myself. And I truly love him and want to be the best stepmom ever and I have no thoughts of trying to replace her. Do you have any podcasts, books, etc that you could suggest that could offer guidance in this area?

    • The first thing I would say is that you are doing everything you possibly can! This is a situation where it’s not you, it’s her. She is making a choice to make things more difficult than they need to be. Unfortunately, we can’t control what others say and do. I say that on the podcast A LOT!! You can only control your reactions to it. And it sounds like you are doing a good job of that. Have you ever tried to reach out to her? Written her a letter or tried to have a conversation? Sometimes that helps, but ultimately, she has to make some kind of effort to cultivate a relationship with you. In the meantime, keep doing what you’re doing, and one day she may come around. If not, your stepson at least sees the effort you have put forth all through the years, and he will love you for it! Would love for you to join our private Facebook group so you can meet others who are in the same position! http://www.blendedfamilypodcast.com/group

  2. JV Meléndez Sep 17, 2017

    Hi!!! I’m a mom and step mom who right now is ready to run away from my marriage because my husband and my step daughter are a team against me.
    It’s so much to tell and say for the last 4 years that the only person I can blame is myself.
    Please I am so desperate at this point that even though I’m a christian person I had it and I can’t deal with this anymore.
    Time for help is so short and so little no even in my church I cannot ask for help anymore.

    I just saw a car with the website in their car and I have to see if I can still have hope for this step family thing and my marriage.

    Thank you for hear me out and I wish I can get help home how in here or atleta a good advice.

    Sincerely,
    Some stepmom very desperate

    • Have you listened to the podcast yet? I have lots of episodes that cover this sort of thing. If you want you can write to me privately if you have a more specific question. I’d need to know more about your situation. I also offer coaching one on one for more personal attention.

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